Tomorrow is Christmas’ eve and it’s the first one for our little girls. We wanted to make it special for them but, to be totally honest, we haven’t found the time of the day to go all out in decorations.  Still, traditions are being agreed such as our Lego Christmas village that we plan on growing every year with whichever set they release. To start off we have the train station, the gingerbread house, the Christmas train full of toys and other bits here and there.

In good Spanish tradition, we will have Christmas eve dinner with family and then, in good British tradition, we’ll open the presents in the morning (in Spain we open them on January 6). I’m hoping to see stunned and amazed faces on them but I expect its likely to be their usual morning face lol I also expect more interest in the wrapping paper than in the actual presents. Even if all that is true, it will still be very special.

Sadly, this isn’t our first Christmas as parents. Two years ago we spent our holidays in Malta. We needed to get away from it all and it was lovely to be just the two of us in a random place, enjoying the break from our then extremely difficult daily life. It was by far the saddest time of my life and hardest to cope with as people around you move on and you kind of feel you have to pretend to have done too because you don’t want to be a downer but inside it’s just as raw as it was two months before. Going away was the best thing for us.
Our little Emma is ever present either in our tree decorations or with the candle we light more often than not in our living room overlooking the playpen where her sisters spend most of their day.

I’m finding this year particularly difficult at given moments and partocularly joyous most of the time for obvious reasons. Christmas with kids in the house becomes magical again. But its the first time I see what she’s actually missing.

I don’t want to give the impression that Emma’s absence is tainting our Christmas. Its nothing like that but it’s hard when friends and family who are, and have been, so supportive both in our loss and in our happiness, send presents for the girls and of course there are three. I can’t help but think there should be a fourth one and sadly there isn’t.  Please don’t think I expect people to buy presents for Emma. I understand people sending the girls gifts do this out of love and care for us and them and I’m so thankful to have such great family and friends. I just felt the need to express these feelings somewhere.

Back to the joyous side of these days. We, well I, decided to do a dressup session in ridiculous xmas outfits for posteriority. Heres the result… Without further ado, we wish you all a Merry Christmas, may your hearts be as full of love as our are!

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